


Payment

by BeastBorealis (Kallona)



Series: Town on the Edge of the World [1]
Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Abusive Parents, Arranged Marriage, Character Development, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Human/Monster Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Monsters, Orcs, Teratophilia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-07 11:56:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16853563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kallona/pseuds/BeastBorealis
Summary: When a merchant's daughter becomes a merchant herself she has a rough journey ahead to learn her new place. Who is the foe and who to trust?





	1. End of my old life

Daughter of a merchant, I had a roof on top of my head, decently nice clothes, food on my plate and a reasonable work to spend my days on. I say ‘reasonable’ as I sure would have appreciated work of some higher excitement level over the simple days of unpacking, cleaning and organizing pots and plates, fabrics, materials and tools. On my free time, I greatly enjoyed reading books about faraway places, peoples and animals, they were my window to the world, and with those views I was able to dream about adventures, daring acts and safe returns. Of course I was levelheaded enough to know they were just a fantasies, and in my future, my realistic future, I hoped to be able to help in my family’s shop. Maybe I’d even inherit it, as my older sister was too fine and good for such mundane endeavors. I often heard my father coo his praises about Anyna, her bright brain, her golden sand colored locks, her rosy cheeks and caring nature. She had had many young men come and bend the knee, but our father, oh, he would not accept just anyone snatch my lovely sister. Compared to her beautifully chubby soft appearance I was more from the other end: Straight, somewhat powerful with my body. My hair was darker shade of the same sand and longer than hers but not as gleaming. In personality, we were both smart and caring, but what made Anyna stand out was her straightforward way of using her means. I rather moved slower, sometimes losing changes due to that, but always catching up.  
The village we lived in was small, calm and secure - which meant that it was also very tradition-oriented, stuck to its ways and warming to the inside. Most of our small population of exactly 43 citizens and one infant were humans, save for one elf who broke all the traditions and didn’t really care, one werewolf whose race we only recently found out and which had not been taken well, and, last but not least, two centaurs who kept to themselves at all times, only communicating with us humans when their work so required. They seemed to get along well with both the elf and the werewolf though. Sometimes I envied that, as I inherently was curious about my surroundings, and the strangers’ presence fed that. I was in a good terms with the elf, Verylear, or so I thought, but he usually seemed cheerful around anyone, so maybe I wasn’t so special. He had told me about the culture back in his hometown, and pointed out that the elven races varied, reminding me not all of his kins were as welcoming. Some were, in reality, rather “stick-stuck-to-their-rear-end” as Verylear exclaimed, though I never really could be sure if he meant it as a joke or if he really found them so bad.

Today, I listened my father and mother exchange harsh words. Our shop had lately been in a bad situation, bandits setting in the close woods and raiding villagers, our customers, and sometime the commodity deliveries. In short, we were out of money after this continued misfortune, and still my father wanted to hire a mercenary to take care of it. My mother claimed we could not afford such silly paid thugs. She suggested our village to rally and find someone together, but I had heard on the streets most of the citizens weren’t interested. They had little possessions to guard, and what that they had, they hid so well I doubt any sort of thief wanted to spend so much effort to find.  
Once I had heard enough of their bickering I rose from the table, told them good night, and collected my little sister who had fallen asleep on her tiny rocking chair. I had full five sisters and no brothers, and I knew most of my parents’ arguments bubbled from that reason. What kind of father wouldn’t want sons to inherit them, to take care of them when they got old? Instead they got girls, six girls and all of them needed to be wedded! What a work there was to be done.  
I tucked my little sister to bed, sneaked to the room I shared with Anyna and one younger sister, and climbed to my own bed. Closing my eyes I started feeling numb and soon fell asleep, seeing a dream about shining bright plant that sang a song when its flowers opened. It was the prettiest dream I had seen in a while.

Two weeks later I was sitting on a corner table, polishing some silverware that had been sitting on a shelf a bit too long.  
"None will buy them that ugly." my father had said and left me to work. I didn't mind, as for whatever reason I had been the one to babysit my little sisters for the whole past week. After pulling my youngest hissing sisters from each other for an argument about a doll for the sixtieth time, I had plead my father to put them under Anyna’s eye for a moment. He seemed to think about it a second too long, and not understand why, I huffed in stress, to which he luckily reacted by nodding in acceptance.  
It was a much needed change to be able to indulge myself in a work where I could hear my own thoughts. I could let my mind wander while my hands did the work. It didn’t took long for my mind to come up with a picture of taming a gryphon, a majestic beast that demanded all the dedication and effort I could rise from my soul and blood. The reward was handsome; finally would the creature let me softly lay my hands on its back, climbing on. A silly fantasy, I knew, too much for someone my age, but smiling I closed my eyes and let the gryphon lift me high, high in the air, soaring wild and taking me with it. My fingers were moving along the silverspoon as I imagined my hands to run along the feathers of the animal.  
The beast disappeared from under me with a creak and a loud thud. Jumping on my seat I opened my eyes and saw the biggest orc I had ever seen - though overall I had seen only a very few and from distance - stand in the middle of my family's little shop. While calming down my surprised, racing hear I let my eyes move up and down him. I could see from his posture that he wasn't here as a customer. And indeed, when my dad lift his eyes from his work to the guest, his face brightened immensely.  
"Ah, you came! So have you considered my offer? Please, come in, come in!"  
He fussed over like I haven't seen in a long while. The orc gave barely a few grunts as a reply, but my father seemed happy, so I assumed all was good. I continued polishing while my father got his guest to move towards the back room.  
"Oh, daughter, could you watch over the shop for a moment, we have important matters to discuss."  
I nodded, and saw the orc turn around at the door, landing his gaze on me. He must not have noticed me before, seeming surprised for a moment. That would have been understandable, but the way he kept staring at me for a few seconds more, almost like searching, made me uneasy. He only averted his gaze when my father continued to talk. The two of them disappeared behind the door, but I could still feel those dark eyes in my skin. I shuddered and left the silverware on the table, moving behind the counter, even when there were no other customers in sight.

Couple of regulars came and went, I was back in a good mood when the door to the back room opened, and my father emerged looking very pleased.  
"Elysa dear, you can't believe how good everything is now, I got this mercenary to protect our shop and customers from the bandits!"  
Ah, so the orc was a mercenary, I thought. I suppose it was fitting, his build seemed perfect for a hired killer. I smiled for my father for his succeed, congratulating him.  
"I hope the price wasn't too high", I continued, still feeling worried for the shop's monetary situation. My father opened his mouth but hesitated, and I was about to grow worried of such sudden uncertainty, when I heard the orc finally speaking:  
"You."  
I blinked.  
"Excuse me?" I was surprised to hear how low and rumbling his voice was, even with just one word. But the word he had used...  
"You're the payment for my work.", the orc elaborated, and my stomach twisted.  
"I'm.... what?" I repeated weakly and turned my eyes to my father, hoping he'd explain this was a joke or a misunderstanding in language.  
"Yes, well, one of my fine daughters is a good compensation, right? He's a good man, and your age..."  
I don’t know how I kept myself from shouting. True, there had been no suitors for me, and I was already 25... but he was a complete stranger, an orc, and all I knew of his ‘goodness’ was that he was about to kill some bandits for our shop!  
"You can't do this." I gritted my teeth, trying to keep myself together.  
My father gave me a look, but then, the orc stepped towards me, rounding the counter. While I backed to the wall behind me, he took a firm grip of my arm and yanked me forward. He didn't need to use much strength, I couldn't hinder him. He dragged me behind him, stopping only to linger for a few minutes to the front door, turning to look at my father, nodding to him.  
"I'll take good care of her."  
There was a hint of worry in my father's eyes, finally, but it was too late and so, he only raised his hand to bid farewell.  
"Yes, please do so. I'll see that you get your belongings, Elysa. And hmm... take care."  
I looked at him in disbelief, speechless. The beast holding me tight opened the door and pulled me after him outdoors.

We walked to the edge of the forest, I didn't say anything and neither did he. Behind some trees I could hear rustling. The orc whistled and hearing that, the creature, big monstrous bear with simple saddle and bridle rose from the bushes. The growl from its throat was even deeper than the voice of my captor. I inhaled, startled, seeing a mount of an orc in person was different to seeing it in picture books. Finally the orc let go of my had, only to untie the bear from the tree. He knew I wouldn't run, couldn't. Once ready, he took a hold of my hips and easily lifted me to the back of the beast. I bit my lip, trying not to yelp, and he swung himself to the saddle behind me. The sudden closeness made me nervous and I focused my eyes to the bear's neck so the orc wouldn't see.  
We started moving, and I wondered where to. So many questions circled my mind, it was lucky he opened the conversation.  
"I'm Rhokgar"  
Sweet, a crude name for a crude orc.  
"Elysa", I replied.  
"I know." I knew he had known.  
"We'll go to my house, gather belongings. Then we need to move to a temporary housing closer to your parents shop so I can work."  
I didn't understand all the hurry and hassle and collecting my courage, pointed it out  
“I could have just stayed at the shop…”  
To my disappointment he didn't reply to that, and a silence fell between us. Only the bear's rugged breath was there, simple as it was.  
"I would have rather wanted to court you.", Rhokgar suddenly said, sounding maybe a bit sorry. I didn't know if it was a pity or a confession, and I didn’t know what exactly he meant by ’courting’. We, we human younglings just met someone nice, then our parents met and then the boy would ask the girl’s parents and then the girl. Courting, that sounded old fashioned and weird. But maybe there would have been a way, somewhere in the courting process, to officially tell him to fuck off. For a moment I considered seeing this out as the adventure my books had always told about, but the way everything was unfolding, so suddenly, without a warning, made me panic.  
"Then maybe you should have.”, I retorted.  
Rhokgar grunted on that, clearly displeased I wasn't happy about his... efforts.  
"The situation forced me to this."  
"Oh please, situation?! You could have let me talk to my father some more, maybe I wouldn't… wouldn't."  
I didn't feel it was safe to continue and let my voice tone down.  
And the orc, he really didn't seem to like my angry words but luckily didn’t push it, and instead let the silence take the moment back again. This time it lasted, until sun was setting and we were several hills further on our journey.

I felt numb in the saddle, shifting a little here and there. Every movement made me more aware of the broad chest behind me and the well muscled arms on both sides of myself. As my nervous mind needed something to do, I was studying a tattoo in his left forearm when I heard him say "We're here."  
I still only saw colorful autumn scenery, but tree bearsteps later I started to see a clearing between the spruces, and a hut made of stone. It looked cozy in the evening light and I let myself be pleased at least on this one thing now.  
Rhokgar jumped down, and gingerly helped me on the ground too. I stretched, enjoying the sensation in my numb arms and legs after standing on my own two feet again. After I was done, however, and opened my eyes again, I noticed the orc staring at me.  
"I didn't mean to." He said to me, simply, not explaining more, and commanded the bear to move toward a small stable. I was left there, on my own, and didn't know what to do.

In the end, I had walked towards the hut, stopping to marvel the sun that now really shone in a bright red burning color. I decided I should start making a list of good things to counter all the bad that had happened...  
I wasn't paying enough attention, or then he was just surprisingly sneaky, but out of nowhere I felt big arms slide under my legs and around my torso, and gasping, I was now up in his embrace. He closed the distance between us and the door, kicking the wooden door inside. Proudly, carefully, Rhokgar stepped in, me in his arms.  
I was lucky it was dark inside, as I was badly blushing. This was all too much. He cleared his throat, hesitantly saying,  
" At least this I do right. I have brought you home, wife. To me."  
Wife?? I blushed harder for his words and my breath was a little shaky when I turned to face him. This was all totally, extremely, too much.  
"Wi-? But we haven't... haven't..." I tackled with words and he looked back at me, serious.  
"True, I skipped all familiarizing and courting, but you're here with me now."  
"You got me as a payment."  
"That doesn't mean I would think you're coin to be tossed around."  
My head hurt, and I tried looking around. The whole hut was open space, cooking and dining area in one corner and some type of working area in the other. Windows opened to all directions, making everything look warm in the evening light. My eyes wandered finally to the upper, open floor that seemed to be a sleeping area. It reminded me of the things I didn’t want to think. Rhokgar noticed where my eyes were lingering and his grip tightened.  
"I'll be good to you." He said. If that was supposed to make me feel better of my new so-called-marital-status, it didn’t. I squirmed, and he finally gently put me on the floor and saying nothing more, started lighting candles and then proceeded to put fire on the fireplace. I didn't know what else to do, so I sat on one of the chairs with a warm-looking fur cover and watched him. I had good opportunity to take a better look at him, taking mental notes of him; Grayish green skin that stretched around his muscular body. He had thick arms with a big tattoo running on his left forearm. Another tattoo peeked from his neck, but what little I knew about orcish tattoos, I assumed there to be more under the clothes. He had some belly and he seemed tall even when crouching in front of the fireplace. His face looked positively grim all the time, but I thought it might just be his facial feature. His nose was average size and its aquiline shape made it look fitting for his face. He had couple of scars in his face, though the real eye catcher were those tusks of his. Rising from his lower jaw, they were clean white, without a crack. His ears were longish and pointed, and his eyes sat deep on his head, their color being gleaming dark amber. On top of his eyes he had dark eyebrows, on his chin a beard that had a little braid in it, and his hair was shaved from the sides. The rest of the mane was long and thick, braided and flowing onto his back. His clothing consisted of leather and metal, somewhere there where adornments made of fur, and his cloak had been heavy-looking piece of pelt too. I compared all of them to my own clothing, made mostly of wool and linen, handy townwear.

After both of us and the house was warm, and Rhokgar had gotten something for us to eat, "Something simple" as he said, bread and dried meat. We hadn’t talked much more than that and soon the evening was in the point where yawns started to emerge from my mouth, involuntarily. I still feared the idea of sleeping situation, I didn't feel like I were in control of... well, anything today!  
Rhokgar rose and looking at me with an intense gaze for a moment, he got me up from my bench too.  
“I can sleep beside the fireplace.”, I offered, my voice shaking a bit.  
“You’ll get cold”, he returned, like the fire couldn’t keep me warm.  
So, instead, like a good sheepdog he herded me towards the stairs with just the movements of his body, not touching me. It felt like a dancing. A forced one, but still a dancing. Steps followed each other and soon I found myself standing in the open upper floor, picking details with my eyes; a wardrobe here, a small broken mirror there, a warm and soft rug where my toes would sink... a huge bed, covered in luxurious-looking furs, inviting in a brutish, orcish way.  
I swallowed, noticing how Rhokgar had placed himself just behind me. I swear I could feel his body heat radiate towards me, or then it was his breath. My heart was beating in a double pace and surely my new "husband" could hear that. I expected his fingers to dig into my hair and flesh at any moment, imagining the worst outcomes...  
But nothing happened. Seconds turned into a minutes, until finally I heard him shifting, and his warmness left my backside. He walked on the other side of the bed, giving me glances.  
"Are you going to sleep in those?"  
It didn’t seem like a question, and it came with a dark, weird tone. I swallowed, horrified. Was I supposed to just… undress. In front of him? What a show! I tried to consider my options, but Rhokgar didn’t seem to be in a hurry, and my legs would start to get numb from standing in one place. My options seemed slim. I could only hope the trembling of my hands would stop, when I started fumbling with the laces on my bodice. I couldn't look at him, but I knew he was watching me work my way through my clothing. My only consolation was the fact that in the light of the candles, some details were left to the imagination.  
Once the last of my garment dropped to the floor, I lifted my hands to cover myself, as much as I was able to - as much as it mattered. There was only one way things could go from here, and soon he would know all of my skin as he pleased. I felt Rhokgar's eyes moving up and down my exposed skin, until I heard the shifting of leather and fur. He was undressing himself. He was swift and sure with it, and ready fast. There was a silence again, but I was not going to look at him. After a moment, however, from the corner of my eye I saw him moving the furs in the bed. His physique was bulky and I stole a glance which I shouldn't have, and where my eyes met his muscular arms, lean back and fit bottom, my mind was disturbingly curious. He slipped under the cover, again looking at me. His hand reached to pull back the furs on my side. I hesitated, but what could have I done? In the end, I swiftly moved under the furs too, now too afraid to not look at him. We stared each other for a while, until his hand moved towards me, and in distress, I closed my eyes. To my surprise, the hand landed on my skin beside my ear gentle as a butterfly's wing, and moved a strand of hair, tucking it behind my ear. Then this same hand moved back on his side, and I could hear the soft words:  
"Good night"  
Rhokgar rolled over to his side, back towards me, and with a heavy sigh, started sleeping.  
I was dumbfounded, looking at his broad back for a good while. Embarrassment flooded over me in more ways than one, so swiftly I did the same as he, moving my back towards his. I stared a candle on the bedside table till its light died, finally letting out a breath that I didn't know I had kept. Sleep took me, and everything went deep black.  
I wouldn't know Rhokgar had kept awake, finally also falling asleep when he heard my relieved sigh.


	2. To learn and accept

Morning arrived and I yawned myself awake. It took me a moment to recollect myself, remembering what had happened yesterday. Immediately I turned around to see the other side of the bed, but Rhokgar wasn't there. I exhaled, feeling lucky I got a few moments to myself. Laying in the warm furs I had to admit I didn't feel quite as terrible as yesterday. The new day had washed away some of my panic and terror, and I could think clearly. Think about what had happened and what was still to happen. I thought about Rhokgar, considering his actions, but they still left me puzzled. His way of using words had left me with the impression he didn't really want me here, but his actions had been surprisingly gentle and considerate… He hadn’t hurt me, a thing I had expected. I wasn’t sure if it told more about him or me, so I tried to peel my memories and seek any mentions of orcs. I remembered the book that had told me about beasts who loved fighting and war. I remembered seeing two traveling orcs from distance, simple and silent. I remembered town inn keeper describe them as most excellent for brutish duties, bad for beauty and love. I remembered, a bit older, hear a woman talk about a raid where her daughter had been… No, I brushed that off from my mind.  
I laid on the bed, pursed my lips, crossed my arms and thought how Rhokgar had made me food, how he had in the end given me some form of privacy to sleep. I was in my thoughts, biting my lip, when I heard a voice.  
"Good morning. Would you like to eat?"  
My eyebrows that I hadn't even noticed scowling, raised up and I turned my head to see Rhokgar near the stairs. I was still halfway in my own thoughts, so Rhokgar huffed, seeming slightly amused.  
"If you need more time to scowl alone in bed, I can eat by myself."  
Collecting my thoughts together I shifted, pushing myself to a sitting position, finding words.  
"I'll come."  
He had already turned to ascend the stairs, but his gaze returned to me for a brief moment.  
“I’ll eat your share if you don’t hurry.”, he suddenly decided to say, deadpan, puzzling me once again as I didn’t know if he was being serious or not. I was at least 50% sure I saw a smirk on his lips when he turned to continue his way downstairs, but I didn't bother betting on it and instead swiftly got up and put my clothes on, hopping down.

On the table there were fresh cooked eggs, apples and something that appeared to be a porridge made from the last bits of the evening’s bread. I scooped some on my plate, topping it with butter, and ate. It wasn't bad.   
And so, there was the silence again. This time to me, maybe due to the night’s rest, it didn’t feel quite as heavy. With a little courage, I was able to break it.  
“Are we staying many days?”  
His dark eyes rose from his plate and looked at me. I tried to read his expression but it seemed discontent most of the time.   
“Are you homesick?” he inquired, as if I had wanted to hear a question as an answer to my own.  
“Not really, but it's the only world I’ve ever known.”  
“You have never traveled?”  
I snorted.  
“Me? A merchant’s daughter from a tiny village?” I shook my head, slightly amused by such a wild image, but decided to jump to a related fact:  
“You're the first orc I've met up close. And talked with.”  
Rhokgar studied my expression, his own being surprised.  
“First? Well I suppose it explains some of your quirks. I must try make a good impression then.”  
I stared at him, wondering if he thought all the stuff last night counted at ‘making a good impression’ - well, some of it did, I had to admit.  
“You're not bad.” I offered him, and he gave me a laugh.  
“That's the best compliment I could get.”

Our morning continued with me cleaning the table, him fixing some tool of his, me to stoke the fire, him bringing new firewood inside… Our movements fit together like pieces of a puzzle, and Rhokgar seemed calm when he finally stopped to address me again.  
“Would you like I show you around?”  
Of course I accepted, and he introduced me to the resources of his work area, which included workbench and tools for smithing and leather work. A small door lead outside from the corner and there was a compact forge and a small kiln. Rhokgar explained he had just basic skills for these, what any orc could do, but it was crucial as he was living alone and not in stronghold. I nodded here and there, impressed by his broad set of skills - even if basic.  
We walked around the yard, which with a closer look seemed to hold a small field and vegetable garden. Most of it had grown wild, and I stopped to look at it.  
“Well, this, I’m not so good with.” I heard Rhokgar explain behind me.  
I wondered if he expected me to work it through? Feeding two mouths would be lot simpler with full working field. Luckily, I did have knowledge of cultivation, though basic, as he had said about his skills. That was ok.  
Finally our steps took us to see his bear mount, Ohrot, as he told its name to be. The creature was currently laying around, relaxing, but rose up at the sight of Rhokgar and let him pet it behind its ear. Even while acting such a sweet way it looked scary to my eyes. 

Finally it appeared to be our time to start packing. I, without any more belongings than the clothes I had on me, sat myself on the nearest seat and passively followed which were the tools and items of his choice. When this idleness started to tire me, I moved closer, starting to help without much of a word. He handled me stuff and I neatly organized them to the bags - one could say I was even professional at this. We moved around the house a couple of times to collect all that was needed. In the middle of rummaging through his working area, no doubt looking for most minimal but essential tools to keep his weapons in good shape, Rhokgar started asking questions again.  
“So what did you know about orcs before?”

Ouch, a question I didn't need after my morning analyse. Embarrassed, I tried to come up with something not too bad.  
“Err, uh. I had seen in a books that you like fighting and war…”  
He nodded, accepting, putting a piece of cloth in the bag at the same time than he explained  
“We do enjoy a good fight, most of us. No-one likes war, there are no winners in there. What else?”  
I had little anything else that I considered proper to tell which made me frustrated of our small village and its nonexistent availability of correct information. What I had to say was not what I wanted to tell him.  
“Well I was told… I was told you don’t… uh.” I tackled with the words and he turned around to look at me.  
“That you don't... do... love.”   
I didn't feel good saying it, but considering the situation I was in, I was eager to hear it debunked.  
As I had assumed, Rhokgar sighed at this trivia and looked tired. I bet he had heard that one before.   
“Do you believe it?”  
I didn't need to lie when I chose my reply, for which I was grateful.  
“I have only known you one day… but I see you're not heartless.”  
At least I didn't make him more sad. He passed the rest of the subject and encouraged me to tell anything more, but I didn't want to tell any of the other parts of my memories. They should, I knew now, to remain there, in the past. Instead I asked him how his people actually were, which seemed to make him happier again.  
He talked about fighting, about the many rules around it and honor, he talked about hierarchy, about culinary culture and about courting and marriage. Last to which he commented that courting included a part about telling your intended tales of bravery, which I realised was exactly what he had just done. I felt uncomfortable in my chair then, and shifted in it. I wondered what he really thought about me, what he had thought about when he had rode with me in his saddle to bring me into his world. But I didn't feel ready to face the answers yet.

Evening arrived again and our dance towards bed started once more. I felt embarrassed still, standing beside the bed, but he didn't glance me this time, only undressed himself and climbed to the bed. I did the same and slipped under the warm fur. He looked at me, and I looked back. My heart hammered in my chest and as if hearing it, he moved his hand to softly brush my cheek.  
“Good night.” He said, again, and moved to his side, back against me.

In the next morning I was the first to wake up. Rhokgar had rolled onto his back while sleeping. His breath was even and I could lean closer, getting a better view. His face looked almost calm for the first time, though his nose had couple on wrinkles and his eyebrows were slightly furrowed. I noted those were his natural features so I wouldn't mix them with anger from now on. His skin seemed rough all over, but I didn't dare to try if it was true or not in fear of him waking up. All in all, I finally concluded that he was actually as good-looking as my human peers, he just happened to have a few different quirks to his body. I was pleased with this find as I had no clue about my future anymore, no idea if I would ever walk free again. It was better to count all the small good things and cherish them, than to focus on the bad. Also… he had called me his wife. Unless that was just a joke to make me squirm, I was bound to eventually do things with him where finding him even slight bit handsome would ease the act. I was eyeing the tattoo on his neck, running down to his shoulder and to his chest, under the covers, when I heard him inhale deeper. Figuring out he might be waking up, I quickly dropped myself back to the mattress, and soon indeed, he stretched, waking up. I laid on my back but didn’t bother to play asleep, I probably would have been terrible at it. Rhokgar yawned ja stretched again, turning his body toward me and raising his eyebrows.   
“You’re awake.”  
“Were you expecting me not to be?”  
Small humm raised from his mouth, “Yesterday morning you slept like a log. You looked so calm.”  
I couldn’t really judge him staring me sleep after what I had just done, so dramatically I gasped and blurted out “Creep!” He huffed, getting my act, and replied:  
“And you didn’t just watch me?”  
I continued my act: “You were awake??”  
He laughed and shook his head, laying back down onto his back. We were staying there for a good while, until he dryly instructed we needed to leave.

This time being in the back of the bear was a lot less terrifying and I was able to concentrate more on our surroundings. There seemed to be a series of valleys, one of which was where the house was situated. Rhokgar told me the stronghold he was born in was behind the next two valleys to the opposite direction. He tried to paint a map in my mind, but it was clearly so much simpler in his head that I lost it somewhere along the way. I got parts of it, though, the crucial parts, and could now understand the course of our travel.

One question had been forming in my thoughts since our departure, and once our conversation about the geography was done and over with, I brought it up.  
“Where are we staying?” I was sure I would need to stay with Rhokgar considering he had wanted me with him to his house too. Together, however, we couldn’t stay at the shop, there was no space (and frankly, I was horrified at the idea of requiring a shared room with him under the eyes of my family).  
“I saw a small hut near the edge of the forest.”, he considered, and I glanced up, seeing him look at me.  
“But if you have any better ideas, do tell. I checked the hut, it’s in decent condition, albeit small.”  
I knew the hut he was talking about, it was indeed in a decent condition. I believe it had originally been part of a household where the main building had been lost in a fire. You could still see some coals between the lush growing grass and bushes around the area if you looked carefully.  
“Oh, yes, that hut’s ok.”, I mumbled, while thinking other solutions. Basically the only people I could imagine giving our unconventional union a roof on top of our heads would be our local werewolf Baltir and a nice aunt Heidi with whom I’ve had close relationship since childhood, often going to her when I wanted to run away from home. However, Baltir’s home was small, and I felt bad putting Heidi in the trouble our stay would cause.  
“I’m afraid the few people I can think of couldn’t do what we need.” I needed to tell Rhokgar and felt his hum against my back. Absentmindedly I ruffled the bear’s fur, as it was the only thing I could busy my hands with at the moment. The animal gave a low growl as a return and I pulled my hand back, uneasy.  
“The hut it is, then.”, Rhokgar finally replied, not seeming too disappointed.

We arrived late. The familiar houses and yards in my view made me relax, even when our steed took us to the little funny hut. I had played there as a kid, and when I slid down from the saddle, I immediately walked to the door, touching the creaking wooden door with my fingertips. I smiled just for a few seconds until I remembered we were supposed to fit in there, both of us, for unknown amount of days. I bit the insides of my mouth and thought the two shared nights in the same bed had been a good practice.  
Turning to look at Rhokgar again I saw him unloading the packages from the bear’s back.   
“Good, good Ohrot.” I could hear him calmly whisper hear and there, and the steed closed its eyes, listening. I started moving the packbags inside, and after a while, Rhokgar was ready with his bear and started helping me.   
It was late night when we were finally settled, and loathing the bed much smaller than the one in Rhokgar’s house I knew I needed to endure its services soon. There was no way to keep a proper space between us, though when Rhokgar moved to his side like in previous nights, I felt a little comfort. I did the same as much out of habit as I did of courtesy.  
“Good night” I heard him say, and thinking about it for a moment, replied,  
“Nights”

 

Dawn brightened and I woke up with stiff limbs. I got up right away, sleep still in my eyes, to stretch and wash my face. Rhokgar did the same soon after, seeming even more tired than me. When I changed the water for the washing basin and left it for his turn I heard a low growl as a reply. In my sleepy brain those low tones sounded way too attractive.  
I needed to wake myself up with a tea to get into my right mind again.

Once we were both more or less ready for the day when I felt Rhokgar watching me and rose my eyes to meet his. My eyebrows used the same motion, and I gestured him to say what he clearly wanted to.  
“Don’t go to the shop today.” Was the thing, very simple.   
Well, simple for him, but I had waited for this for whole two days and I was not going to linger in this tiny hut like a good lady wife while he himself was killing bad people. So I spat out  
“What? You can’t tell me what to do”  
He seemed irritated, like he wanted to say something else, but settled to a frustrated  
“Just, not today, okay?”  
Something in his tone made me pause for a moment, and I resolved in my mind, okay, I can go tomorrow. But I needed Rhokgar to understand I wouldn’t be subjected to some control freak nonsense without explanation. I gritted my teeth, and said very sourly,  
“Right. Tomorrow then. But I need a reason as to why you ask me not to see my family.”  
He seemed to find this question reasonable, and tried to soften his voice while telling me, unsurprisingly, “I’ll tell you when I can, please?”  
Well, there was the ‘please’ part and I quite liked that, if nothing else, so keeping my pouting expression I turned my head to other side, dismissing any further inquiries.

After Rhokgar left without much goodbyes to do what he needed, I sat for a long while staring at the door. The hut felt immediately bigger and I sighed, burying my head in my hands. I listened the silence until I had lost the track of time. Soon after my limbs started to feel numb and I tried to move to the bed to ease the pain, but smelling his scent on the sheets I pushed myself away, stepping outside to the fresh air. I found myself walking to the direction of the houses of my village, and halted only at the spot where I was able to see everyone going on about their daily routines. No-one seemed to notice me in the shadows and suddenly I felt immensely sad. I turned to return, not seeing how someone had stopped in their tracks to look at me.

The rest of the day I ended up sitting on the steps leading to the hut’s door. I sat and let the wind brush away any unneeded feelings.

I seemed to had fallen asleep, as in the darkness, I could hear my name being called, and opening my eyes I could see Rhokgar looking at me, slightly worried. I rubbed my eyes and face and with some effort got up on my feet.  
“You’re back.” I commented, more to myself than to him.  
“Yes. And I have something for you” - Words that made me focus on him better.  
“Something for me?”  
Rhokgar pointed to the back of Ohrot where there were few familiar packages. My belongings! Though I didn’t understand why he had needed to go and pick them up, I had had all day that I could have used for fetching them. I moved to unload them, taking wary steps to the side anytime the big bear moved. Rhokgar probably thought it helpless as he finally came to help, amusement in his voice as he told me there was nothing I needed to fear in Ohrot.  
“I could have gotten these myself you know”, I said as I dragged the stuff inside.  
“Mmh”, I could hear the reply that didn’t mean anything as Rhokgar busied himself with his steed, taking care of it. I had good amount of time to start unpacking everything to the hut’s small cabin’s until he came inside too. He undressed the rest of his armor and washed himself a little, sitting down to exhale. I kept going through my stuff, amazed how well everything was there. While I had indeed helped in this, unknowing, Anyna must have been there to finish the rest. I wondered what she thought of me and this whole situation… I wanted to go tomorrow and ask. Nothing Rhokgar would say could make me stay on the hut again.  
“What’s that.”  
I glanced at Rhokgar when I heard his question and looked at my hands. Book, probably even an idiot could see, but this was one of my favorites ever: A book that had been purchased for me and Anyna together when we were kids, but which I had hogged to myself, filling it with notes and thoughts. Many feathers had been placed between pages to mark important parts. I smiled and raised it mid-air so Rhokgar could see. In the cover there was a werewolf howling to the moon in a starry night.   
“Creatures of the World” He read the title I knew so well. Gently I flipped the pages and turned the book here and there so he could see.  
“Gryphons. Many subspecies are known, 25 of which are endangered due to their beautiful plumage that turn them into desired material for jewelry crafters and those looking for eye-catching pet.”, I read. I flipped a few pages.  
“Trolls. Common creatures in otherwise uninhabited forest areas, they abhor civilization and only stay in their own tribes for all their lives.”  
Again I flipped some pages and knowing what would come next, landed on the pages explaining orcs, marked with greenish striped feather. Something, quite unexpected, fell from between the pages however. I placed the book on the table beside me and crouched to pick up the mysterious item. It turned out to be a letter, written on the familiar handwriting of Anyna. I held my breath looking at the thing, almost feeling my fingers burn for touching it.  
Rhokgar had taken the book in his hands, looking at the pictures of his race. Feeling very uneasy, I got up and moved to the bed, further away from him, and curled my legs up against my stomach to shield me mentally. I opened the letter and hold it gingerly… it read:  
“Hello sister! How are you doing? I hope well! I didn’t know what to say or do when I heard what had happened to you! What an awful situation you are in! I trust in you, however, you can do it! You can survive it, you’re my favorite sister and you’re strong. Things might look horrible but you will endure it and you can overcome it, I’m sure. I hope we can meet soon, but just in case I needed to write this to tell you you’re loved and cared for, even if you don’t feel like it right now. There is light in this world, even when you only can see darkness.  
Your loving sister, Anyna”  
I found myself biting my lips and clutching the letter against my chest. It felt like a warm hug in the middle of dark night. My eyes tried to wetten and as I didn’t want to cry in front of Rhokgar I busied myself by checking what he was doing. There was the green feather in his hands as he still remained at the pages of the book that told about orcs.  
Suddenly he turned to look at me and where I thought he had given me privacy to read my letter, it instead appeared he had used this time to contemplate on the things of his own.  
“What are these marked pages?”, he asked.  
I tried to concentrate on the question.  
“They’re… meaningful pages”  
He looked at the feather again.  
“Would you still put the feather on this spread?”  
It was a weirdly worded question but I got the meaning. I rose up and took the feather from his hand, putting it on the page, and closing the book softly.

Then I went to find a small, locked box I had gotten along other stuff, to put the letter in, leaving the book of Creatures of the World in Rhokgar’s hands.


	3. Reunions

The next morning I woke up with the need to stretch my body again. This bed was not to my liking, but there was nothing I could do about it. I could hear my bones popping when I reached the ceiling with my hands, to which I groaned. Indeed, I needed to yet again rise up quickly and start the day. While I had thought Rhokgar to be asleep, he turned around and started his morning ritual of getting out of bed too.

Our dawn was silent.  
“You'll go to the shop?” I could hear Rhokgar’s question even when he must have known the answer.  
“Of course.” I stated it, making sure he understood my determination. Rhokgar seemed to choose his words carefully, as it took him some time to reply, but the effort didn't please me as I finally heard his reply.  
“Don’t see your father.”  
I turned towards him, very clear, very sure. Rather frustrated.  
“What do you have against him, you’re working for him?”  
He raised an eyebrow, looked me up and down, but shook his head then and didn’t tell me the rest of it. I let it slide, as he didn’t really oppose me more than that.

A moment later I was getting myself ready, brushing dust from my clothes, taking out new, clean socks from my box and humming. I was soon as ready that only my hair remained. Rhokgar seemed to pause at his morning routines when he saw me untangling my long hair. This wasn’t the first time that he saw it, obviously, so I wasn’t sure why he stared at me so intently. Soon I got my answer though:  
“Could I braid your hair?”  
The movement of my hands halted and I glanced his way.  
“Umm?”  
He shifted at his chair, not pressing the matter. I knew braids had some certain significance for orcs, though I wasn’t sure I wanted him to braid, like, some secret message to my head if that was possible? Not like anyone in my village should have been able to read it, so in a slow, hesitant way I nodded. Any time Rhokgar had made his own braids they had looked neat and nice. Why not get that luxury for myself?  
He took the comb from my hands, moved me so I couldn’t see to the mirror and dragged his own chair behind me. Then he started working.   
I shivered when his touch landed on the corner of my neck and shoulder at the first time, moving to gather all the loose strands of hair. But his hands, his hands were so… gentle. The way his fingers moved among my hair was so tender I found myself holding my breath several times as I didn’t want to break the magic.

“There” I could finally hear the word.  
I exhaled and moved in my chair. Rhokgar took and turned me towards the mirror, sideways so I could see it.

And I gasped.

The image in the mirror didn’t look like me. My long hair had gained a series of elaborate braids that curled around my scalp and mixed together, finally falling to my back like a waterfall. I twisted in front of the mirror to get a better view... My mouth hung open as I felt like I could never get bored at looking a reflection like this.  
“Thank you.”, I faintly breathed out.  
I turned to look at him, amazement probably still on my face - but it was on his face too.  
“It’s… no problem.” He tackled finding the words. Then he coughed, getting suddenly up he started to talk about his plans for the day. I continued to marvel my hair and paid little attention, until the orc was already at the door. I raised from my place fast and followed Rhokgar to the door, seeing him out.  
“Remember what I said to you?”, he remembered to ask before mounting his bear.  
“Yes.”, I replied, not so angry at him anymore.  
“Take care.”, I continued.  
“Yes”  
And he was gone.

I ushered myself to move, and left to the village soon after. 

My walk was light and soon I could see the familiar buildings again. This time I didn’t need to stop and instead my eyes would roam freely around, searching… finding.  
“Mom!”, I raised my voice and waved my hand. I could see her silhouette turn around and smile raise to her lips.  
“Oh, Elysa, it’s so good to see you!”, she almost threw the basket she had been carrying to the ground, taking me to her comforting embrace. Good, sweet mom, how had I missed here within just these few days. I hugged her back, tight.  
“How are you? Can you believe your father just came to tell me that day an orc had taken you! Just like that! Such a vulgar way to just… take a reputed girl like that! Oh my sweet daughter what has he done to you...”  
I needed to hush my mother to end her horror pictures, calming her down. I was still her good daughter, and assured her my… virtue was still all there. She almost didn’t believe me, but stopped to stare at my hair.  
“Such… braids.”, I heard my mom’s puzzled voice.   
I huffed, smiling a little. They were, I noted in my mind, suddenly proud.

Of course she finally asked me to come inside to talk all the latest happenings better.  
“So you don’t need to be so reserved, there’s clearly something more you must tell.”  
I bit the insides of my mouth and declined. Of course, my mom would find that even more suspicious.  
“What has he done to you?”  
“I.. nothing. Nothing bad, believe me. But mom, please, I can’t just… I don’t want to see father right now. Not after...”, I made a lie, I did want to see him and made him tell why had he chosen to go along with a ridiculous deal like this. However I also wanted to keep my promise to Rhokgar, even if I knew truth had to be exposed sooner or later.  
“Please, let’s take a walk instead?” I offered to change the subject.  
I was most lucky that she accepted my reason, moving to criticise my father again as we walked along the village path. I listened and nodded and hushed in the appropriate parts, and enjoyed just… hearing this spirited babbling that I was so used to. We walked at the edges of the village, away from the most prying eyes, and I felt like my life was back to normal, if for just a moment.

As we came to full circle, returning to the vicinity to our shop, I started to slow my steps, unsure. Mom knew what I wanted, patting me to the shoulder.  
“I’ll get her.”  
I exhaled and turned my back to the building, drawing circles to the grass with the tip of my shoe.

“Elysa!”  
Switfly I turned, not a moment too late, as I was surrounded in a hug, melting all my tension away.  
“You’re all in one piece! And my letter, did you find it? How is he, is he bad, good?”, Anyna smiled to me softly, stopping to give me a moment to answer. At the same time she moved herself to arm's length from me and checked me from head to toe - quite a lot like my mom, I noted, but she wasn’t so filled in scandalous thoughts.   
“I found your letter, thanks… it, it came in a good moment.”, I smiled back at her, calm.  
“And he, Rhogkar, that is, he’s... good.” I nodded, feeling the word on my tongue. “He’s quite good.”  
Anyna’s attention shifted from my words to my head as she suddenly walked around me.  
“Wow, how do you have these...”  
“Rhogkar braded my hair...”, I answered with a fluttery feeling.  
“He did?!”, she exlamed, taking a new journey around me, really marveling my hair this time.  
“Really he can’t be so bad, this must have taken quite some time!”  
I mumbled something, but then quieted her down, starting to ask about shop and my father, feeling safer with the familiar topic.

Soon the day was at its latter part and Anyna had to go back to continue her work. Now hers, what had been mine still a couple of days ago. She seemed content and accepting of her duties, but tired, maybe. Very unlike me, who had instead had very workfree, easy days now.

When I got back to the small hut the windows were already lit. I stopped to really look at the scenery for a moment, before evening’s coldness sat on my skin and I needed to head inside.  
Our evening passed in a peaceful manner, I told Rhokgar how my braids had gotten praises, and he seemed content at all of my talking. He was that still when bedtime called and I couldn’t untie all of the twists and turns on my own. His hands, yet again, so gently brushed my hair and I almost fell asleep against them.

 

The next day I had decided to stay at the hut. I was calm now as I had been able to meet few from my family and they knew my situation. I wanted to concentrate on making our situation in this small cabin less inconvenient, even if the bed, the biggest of the issues, was above my means to change. I cleaned some, cooked some, and took a stroll in the surrounding forests. As I heard rustling in the bushes, several times, I became wary and decided to head back. Nothing bad happened on my way back, but I felt restless for the rest of the day. It was a long wait till the evening and I tried to busy myself at the best of my ability.

Finally, in the middle of boiling some water for tea I yearned for relaxation, I heard steps outside, and turned to the door when it opened. “Welcome back” flew from my lips just second before my gaze landed on the orc’s blood-colored body. I gasped and he hurried to say “Most of it is not mine.”  
I shook my head.  
“Tell me what is.”  
He moved to sit down and started peeling clothes from his skin.  
“They got some nasty hit on my side.” Rhokgar said, pointing a messy wound and grimacing when the strands of cloth that had sunk inside his wound ripped away.  
I went to get some of the warm water, forgetting my tea, and put a new kettle to boil. Taking a rag I inspected his wound, starting to gently brush it clean. My movements were sure, the necessity of helping him shaking off all the hesitation I had had towards him in the previous days. I heard Rhokgar grunt from time to time, but he seemed to mostly handle it well.  
“I think I have another on my shoulder…” he added, slight bit surprised about it. He got rid of the rest of his shirt and I was able to fully check his now bare upper body.  
“What happened?” I asked while doing my work. Rhokgar picked up another piece of cloth and started cleaning his skin from where blood had not been drawn, but instead ja layer of dust covered it.  
“They expected me. Well, I expected them to expect me but they're good at what they do.” His voice had a hint of respect towards his enemy, though the rest of it was irritation towards his loss.  
I rinsed the rag and kept cleaning, and once done, I rummaged my cabin and found a resin ointment which was good for many duties, open wounds included. I smeared it to the wounds and finally started bandaging them.  
Rhokgar had fell silent somewhere along the way and I turned my head to see why. I had just tied the last bandage on its place and said “All done” looking him then straight to the eyes. The expression on his face was hard to understand, there was maybe… a bit of amazement and daze.  
“So this is how it feels to have someone caring for you.” He finally let his thoughts out and I felt my face get a bit hotter.  
“Its not caring, it's just.. common sense.” I huffed back and he grinned with his tusk-heavy way, taking a hold of my hand and pulling me into his lap. I tried to protest but didn't want his wounds to hurt and so I simply sat there, letting him circle his arms around me for a hug.  
“Just… for a moment?” I heard him say, softer, and after some minutes, I found myself leaning against his chest. To this he reacted by resting his chin to my head, sighing. I felt weirdly calm and closed my eyes, listening his heartbeat mix to the tiny cracks from the fireplace.   
For a time these sounds, this feeling of the weight of his arms around me seemed to be my whole world.


	4. Smile that doesn't reach the eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the wait. There's a lot going on in this chapter and in the upcoming ones too.

My morning wasn’t better than the previous ones, but as soon as I remembered what had happened last night I jumped up to give Rhokgar some space to better lay down. I felt tired but at the same time happier to offer the help I could rather than pleasing just myself. He wouldn't wake up too soon and once he did he would roll around, clearly searching me from the bed with his gaze. He instead found me sitting on the table, stitching back together his one upper piece of leather armor - well, I had nothing else to do, so.  
“What ‘r you doin’ ” he mumbled, looking at me with those tired eyes of his.  
“I’m putting this thing back together. ”  
“I see that” was breathed out  
I put the piece and the needle and yarn on the table and moved towards him, sitting on the edge of the bed.  
“Are you okay?”  
He laughed a bit, starting to properly wake up.  
“Me? Okay? Love, those were just scratches.”  
My heart felt weird at the word of ‘love’ but I pushed any rising emotions back, slapping the orc gently on the arm.  
“If you’re so okay, don’t lay around looking half-dead”  
He snorted as a reply, but did indeed sit up. He would inspect his wounds and I wouldn’t call them okay by any means but Rhokgar seemed unfazed.   
“Your resin ointment is good”  
I nodded, “Do you need anything else?”  
Grunting, he gave me a reply, “Nah, I’m not bedridden” After that he chose to get up, washing himself a little and started to make breakfast. For a moment we busied ourselves in our own thoughts and worlds. Rhokgar was the first to open his to mine.  
“I’ll stay here today”  
Turns out his ideas aligned with mine and I nodded, pleased. The orc had stolen a glance my way and saw my gesture.  
“I might stay a few days, actually”, he continued, “Though I need to show myself around the village, for the change those idiots will come looking after all this mess.”  
Rhokgar scratched his beard then. “And we need some more food. I’ll go hunting”  
His to-do list started to sound like a busy run instead of my simple wish of him staying at the cabin. He wasn’t going to heal by running around the forests. I needed to intervene.  
“I can get us food. Don’t worry about that.”  
Rhokgar seemed to consider, or judge, or whatever my offer until he finally declared it acceptable.  
It made me content for now and we continued with our morning routines in a good spirit.

The day turned out to be lazy and calm - most of my days at the hut were such but I enjoyed the change of company to talk to. And boy did we talk. Rhokgar was in a rather light mood and shared a lot more of orc culture tidbits and his personal tastes with me. I also told him more about my likes, dislikes and worldviews. He seemed to think it was cute, calling me slightly naive, but cute. I wanted to sulk at him, but found out I couldn’t.

At some point we ended settled up on the bed, napping. I would wake up with my upper body laying on his chest and moved away quickly. I tried to put some space between us but soon found myself snuggled against his side, falling asleep again.

The rest of the day we slept, ate, took a small walk on the forest and ate and slept some more.  
The next two days went on in similar manners and I felt us growing together in a domestic way. Couple of times Rhokgar would take a ride around the village but always returned with unneeded haste. I enjoyed it, though, and was not ready to hear the new Rhokgar had to offer me the next morning.

“I’ll be gone for the night.”  
“Oh?”, I kept my voice even.  
“Mmh. I have a matter I need to attend to in the city… and I think I’d have a nice change with the bandits if I go now.” Very matter-of-factly he explained it all, and I could only nod. Whatever I thought of it, he had his job and I had seen he was in a good shape to go. Thus I helped him get ready and eventually said goodbyes. I watched him disappear into the woods, staring after the sight for a few more minutes.

I was alone.

I headed back inside, sat on the bed and listened to the deep silence. It continued long enough for me to feel the need to close my eyes - and I did so. I soon started to feel cozy to the point of almost falling asleep and realised I need to get up. I cleaned the hut until I felt brisk again and considered my next actions. I could have gone to see my sister again, but these few days together with Rhokgar had made me feel like a different person and I wanted to be alone… rewind. I instead came up with the idea of picking up a familiar book, indulging myself in its world. The evening flew by with it and I felt like just an hour had passed when I closed the volume between my hands. I was dizzy after getting back to the present world and took a reality check by looking out of the window. I was met with deep velvet darkness. Well, that wasn’t what I had expected. I got up, feeling my bones pop back to their rightful places and my tongue rasp dryly against my palate. I drank, enjoyed a nice juicy apple and stretched myself back into order. I knew it really was as late as the window view had told me when a yawn forced its way out of my mouth. I moved back to the bed, shifting the covers and removing my clothing, slipping between the layers of fabric and furs. I closed my eyes and moved a bit. I soon needed to move again, trying to find a good position.  
It wasn’t good.  
I rolled to my other side, but that, if nothing, certainly was not good. I opened my eyes and was met with a wall. I sighed, growing irritated, and squeezed my eyes shut again.  
I heard the wind outside, and a lone owl giving a hoot in the night. A pop, that was clearly a cone falling onto the roof. I rolled back to the other side, shifting couple of times again, until I sat up, and faced the wall. “You aren’t serious.” I cried out.  
“I’m NOT going to stay awake because of... this.”, I continued to tell the wall, and finally raised my hand and punched the poor wooden surface.  
It hurt me more than the construction and I laid myself aggressively back to the sheets. 

I couldn’t sleep.

I couldn’t sleep alone.

I counted sheeps, I counted their baas and I counted the blades of grass under their feet... all in vain. I realized I’d have a long, long night ahead of me.

Early in the morning I startled when I heard the creak of the door. I had succumbed into some sort of haze, but felt more tired than I even had. I turned to look at Rhokgar who had arrived and seemed to be shedding his clothing without paying attention to me. Halfheartedly he rinsed his face and arms with water from the basin and then moved towards the bed. He flinched as he saw me being awake.  
“Sorry, did I wake you?”  
“No”, I mumbled. “How was it?” I had to ask.  
He yawned and climbed onto his side of the bed, laying on his back. “Later, ‘kay? I need some sleep...”  
He sounded really tired and seemed to zone out almost immediately. My gaze staid at his sleeping face for a moment until like a magic, I seemed to fall asleep too.  
This time I slept long and calm, and late to the afternoon.

We got up so late much else didn’t happen during rest of the day. I’d get detailed description of the situation with the bandits who had seemed to vanish from their hideout. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but hoped for the best.

The next day Rhokgar went out again and I felt the need to walk to the village. I realized it had been some days since my visit and didn’t know what to expect upon my arrival.

“ELYSA!”  
Whatever it had been I had expected, this was more than any of it. I currently stood in the open space of the shop’s middle floor and Anyna rounded the counter, coming to hug me. I had seen no-one on the garden outside the building so I had needed to just collect my courage and face the situation inside, face whoever was inside. Obviously there was only one person I felt uncertain to see, my father. But he wasn’t inside unlike Anyna whom I now hugged back.  
“Where have you been? We haven’t seen you in a week! Mother was coming up with the most ridiculous horror stories and father didn’t let me to come see you, it’s so busy here.”  
I patted my sister to the back, sighing. “Nothing bad has happened, we just… stayed at the hut. I’m sorry, I was supposed to come here again.”  
She looked at me, curious. “ ‘We have’? ”, Anyna parrotted my words, a knowing smile rising to his face. “Oh ho, what, have you decided to bang him in the end?”  
My face turned red and I slapped her, hard. “Nothing like that!”  
Anyna giggled and I tried to explain: “He got hurt a little, so he stayed to recover.”  
This didn’t completely wipe the smug expression from my sister’s soft face but her voice told me she was serious when he asked if the orc was okay.  
“Yeah. He seems to be sturdy.”  
“Hmm. Aren’t orcs always?”, she mused.  
I shrugged, “I suppose.”  
There was a silence then, which was somewhat unusual between the two of us. It dawned to me that I wasn’t the only one who was changing.  
“Are you okay?”, I asked, not looking at her. “Is father hard on you?”  
“Ah”, the tone of the voice told me she wasn’t completely happy but didn’t feel like she was in a position where she had the right to complain. “I manage”  
I now glanced her way. “Please tell me if it gets rough… I don’t think I can do anything, but... I like to hear how you’re doing.”  
Anyna smiled, her old, familiar smile. “Sure. And you too. Don’t disappear like that!”  
Then she seemed to get an idea, lighting up.  
“Hey, can I come to see you to the cabin?”  
It was apparent Anyna was being Anyna; she always wanted to smoothen any and all situations. I knew what this meant - she wanted to see Rhokgar. It seemed Rhokgar had mostly been communicating with my father, only occasionally meeting my mom and very briefly. Anyna, never. This also explained why my mother was still coming up with horror stories of her own.  
“Uh, I suppose?”  
“Great! Can I come this evening already? I’ll close early, dad won’t know about it.”  
I accepted but then picked on the new subject; “Father’s away?”  
“Oh yes, he’s been gone during several days, I don’t know for what. But the shop’s been busy lately so I think it’s business stuff. And I think your orc is doing his job well.”  
I smiled a little and nodded, but didn’t feel fully reassured of the whole picture.

We talked some more until I moved to see my mom who appeared to be busy inside the house. She was a mess, crying and hugging me and complaining about the tiring days. I felt bad and tried to calm her down at the best of my ability. Sadly it wasn’t my virtue as much as it was Anyna’s, and I didn’t get her to tone down. It didn't help that my younger siblings ran around too, everyone speaking on top of each other but the general question seeming to be where had I been. I didn't know why no-one had told them and decided to be only very vague about it myself, too.  
In the end I stayed helping my mom on the chores and looking after the kids for several hours and we were only interrupted by surprised Anyna.  
“You’re still here?”  
I looked at Anyna in desperation, and she came to soften our mother’s mood. Mom would finally relax if even just little, and Anyna told her about our plans. The rest of our siblings gained some concentration skills once both of us big sisters were present, and finally the room filled with peace.  
“I’ll walk Elysa back, I’ll probably stay for a while, okay?”  
Mother seemed to lighten at that, though whispering for Anyna to check my living conditions out and make sure that everything’s fine and proper. She probably thought I didn’t hear. I rolled my eyes but was happy when we were finally leaving.

The walk wasn't long before the cabin came into our view. Smoke was serenely floating from the chimney, telling me Rhokgar was home. I got nervous at the idea of introducing the two, feeling like it made this… thing, whatever, between me and the orc official. Frankly I had no idea where we even were in our relationship.  
I opened the door and saw Rhokgar, back towards us, crouched above the table.  
“Welcome back.” he instinctively said and before I could open my mouth, Anyna had replied.  
“Hi”  
Rhokgar swiftly turned around at the chair hearing the unfamiliar voice, but relaxed as he saw me.  
“Hi. This is my sister, Anyna.”, I opened my mouth finally, gesturing towards the giddy girl beside me.  
“And that's Rhokgar.”, was the obvious continuation when I pointed at the orc who seemed to be looking Anyna in an analysing manner. He landed into some form of outcome and stood up politely;  
“Nice to meet you”  
Anyna’s smile faltered as she had to look up. I had to admit we made a ridiculous sight, all standing inside the small hut; the tall orc, me who was already a lot shorter than him, and my sister who had never gained even the height I stood at.  
My sister never failed to stay kind, though, and hurried to reply “Nice to meet you too”  
“So, you’re the elder sister?”  
Anyna chuckled, “That’s me yes”  
Rhokgar then offered some tea and Anyna happily accepted. We sat on the table and Rhokgar turned to quickly snatch away a package with a brown paper wrapping that had been on the table. “What’s that?” I asked half curious since the orc was usually laid-back with his belongings. He shrugged it off and I decided not to care. We continued to talk with Anyna and I amused myself with looking at her round eyes as she glanced at Rhokgar now and then.  
Soon the said orc interrupted us; “Our tea is almost over.”   
“Oh? Which one?”  
“There's multiple?”  
“Well I found some herbs the other day and made some blend.”  
Rhokgar looked at me with unreadable expression, the empty jar in his hands. I got up and went to find the herbal tea I had made.  
“Here.”, it wasn't hard to find. I opened the lid and hold the jar in front of the orc’s face. He took the hint and sniffed. “Oh. That's nice.”  
I nodded, content. “I know.”  
I turned to look at Anyna, “It’s the calluna flower and mint tea grandma used to make when we were ki--” I stopped on my tracks as I saw her extremely knowing smile and turned back towards Rhokgar, trying to busy myself on the task. Once the water was boiling Rhokgar ushered me to the table as he wanted to be the one serving.  
The tea was good. Anyna started to reminisce granny and Rhokgar nodded in approval for the flavor. All in all, the rest of the evening flew by and it was time for Anyna to head back. Politely she bid farewell for Rhokgar who in turn thanked her for coming.  
“Will you see me out?”  
I had to accept and went outside with her. The evening was already darkening and stars had become visible.  
“So… do you like him?”  
My gaze fell from the stars to Anyna. “What?” I tried my best at keeping my voice low. “It's.. I mean.”  
“Because he sure does like you.”  
My mouth hung open… what?!  
“It’s… complicated. He has called me his--” I grunted, blushing, “Nevermind. But during the first day he was all different. I don’t know what’s going on now.”  
Anyna sighed; “If you have heard of a social skill called ‘talking’, I’d recommend that. You two look so domestic already...”  
She inhaled and continued “Anyway, I think he’s nice. So big! But very nice. You’re lucky.”  
I felt both proud and tired at the same time and hugged Anyna, wishing her a safe journey.

I went back inside where Rhokgar was sitting down, staring into nothingness. I wondered… “Was it okay for me to bring her?”  
Rhokgar snapped awake from his thoughts, “Hmm? Why not? Of course it is..”  
I put my hands in my hips to enforce my next words. “Then what is it? I see something is wrong. Please tell me, even if I can't help.”  
Now he chuckled, looking at me.  
“Indeed you can't.” He was smiling but his voice sounded sad. Clearly he didn’t want to talk about it and made sure I wouldn't have time to pry either; he stood and picked up the earlier mysterious package. He handed it to me. “It's for you.”  
His voice was soft, slightly hesitant, and I studied his face for more information. There was none and the only course of action available for me was to take the package and thank him. Rhokgar took a step back as I started to unfold the brown, coarse paper. When a corner of the content came visible I saw brown fur with white spots. A pelt of a fawn. As the paper dropped on the floor I was able to open the fur in my hands. It unfolded beautifully, and I saw it to be a small cloak, probably only reaching person’s lower back, made from several fawn pelts. I inhaled, looking at all the little details. It also reminded me of Rhokgar’s own fur cloak, even if his was much more sturdy, big and gloomy. Was it supposed to be a matching attire? At the same time Anyna’s words echoed in the back of my head. This gift seemed significant.  
My gaze rose from the pelt to Rhokgar - my eyes were round at the surprise.  
“For… me?”  
He looked even more nervous now, “Do you… like it?”  
“Like it?!”, I cried out, “Look at this, this is… this is gorgeous!”  
Finally the orc relaxed and closed the space between us yet again.  
“I thought… it would look lovely on you. I wanted to give something to you, for putting up with all… this.”  
He took the pelt from my hands and wrapped it around my shoulders. His eyes roamed up and down my body and he smiled sweetly. I was as amazed at his expressions as I was at the gift. Rhokgar seemed happy… and it made me happy.  
“Just like a proper--” his happiness died suddenly, and he visibly flinched, removing his hands from my shoulders. I was confused and wanted to ask about it, but Rhokgar filled the moment with rambling of his own; “We, orcs I mean, we usually don’t give gifts made by others but I had seen that pelt and as it’s not fawn season I made a trade, hunted some foxes for the guy to get this cloak.”  
I dug up my most sincere voice as I saw he needed it. I needed him to know I liked the gift… no, loved it.  
“Thank you” I emphasised “I mean it. It’s beautiful, thank you.”  
He turned to look at me and smiled again, but it didn’t reach his eyes anymore. It bothered me, but we didn’t talk about it. I noticed there to be too many untalkable things lately and realised I had to do as my sister had told me. I had to talk. I had to get him to talk. It was a chore for another day though since the night was falling. I did my best to cheer him up and in the bed curled against his back, wishing him goodnight.


	5. The truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year! This chapter would have been ready by the Christmas but I've been uncertain about the way I handled the dialogue and details here. But this is the best I can do now. Plot is unraveling!

Rhokgar would leave the next morning as he had done in the earlier ones. I doubted he had any real reason to as he seemed very distracted in his movements. I’d watch him like a hawk, watch all the little mistakes he did and how he needed a double take in some of his preparations. I glued my lips together to not say any word too much, curling to myself, and only letting my shoulders fall when he walked out of the door. A tired breath escaped my lips and I needed to concentrate for a few minutes, eyes closed. I weaved a plan for the day, for I needed everything to be perfect, and courage in my heart. Both tasks seemed close to impossible but I knew I had no choice.

I had thought about it some, but I only knew I needed to go all out. Thus I made myself stand, hearing a disapproving pop from my knees. I walked to the nearest stream on the forest-side we had used for properly washing ourselves while we had stayed on the cabin. Water had started to become cold this time of the year and I hoped we would be gone soon. The hut wouldn’t keep us warm through the winter, nor would the area feed us. I shuddered in the contact of crystal clear stream water, though it also seemed to nicely cool my head, steeling my mind for the upcoming.  
I returned to the hut calmer and warmed and dried myself, grabbing the brush to straighten my hair. I’d braid it, though the result wasn’t anything fancy like Rhokgar could make, but it was neat and clean, and hopefully a good enough statement. I then put on new clothes and made our bed and threw some stray tools on their respective places and some empty sack to the pile of laundry. Finally I rummaged through our stack of food items. I chose the best; dried rabbit meat, selection of root vegetables and some early mushrooms I had found yesterday, and started to prepare a soup. I wanted it to be tender and left the meat to cook on small fire. I needed to make a detour outside to collect certain herbs, after which I yet again returned inside, seeing that the meat was doing good. I added the vegetables and let the soup boil some more. Sighing, I looked out of the window - I knew it would be time soon, and hurried to add the mushrooms too, leaving the pot of food on the embers. Instinctively I bit my lip as I walked to the crate where my clothes were. The topmost garment was revealed under the lid - it was the dotted, beautiful, brown and white pelt… I took it, raising it on my eye level on the air. I felt weird looking at the item, and even weirder as I folded my arms against my body, hugging the fur to my chest.  
With a smooth motion I threw it on my back and looked myself from the mirror. Slight blush decorated my cheeks and I concluded it must be too hot inside with the fur. I bit my lip again and fumbled with my hands, finally coming up with the idea that it would seem more normal if I was in the middle of something when Rhokgar arrived…  
I picked up my herb basket and went outside, walking a circle and picking up a few things.

I would end up walking circles for a few more moments, building up my nervousness with every passing round, until I heard a sound I had learned to recognise so well; Heavy steps of four paws with a rugged, low breath. I looked down to my hands which were sweaty and red with white knuckles. I was holding onto the basket for my dear life and knew that while I had succeeded with my plan A so far (which was that everything had to be perfect), plan B (which was to have courage in my heart) was utterly in pieces. Still, I forced a smile on my lips as I turned to see Rhokgar nearing, unmounting his bear.

“Hello”, I said, hoping it didn’t sound weird.  
Rhokgar looked at me side-eyed and I knew it did.  
“Hi”, he returned, slightly wary. Crap, crap, crap… I bit the insides of my mouth and screamed at myself in my head. However, the orc’s gaze did stay at me and turned to a softer shade as he took in my appearance. As his eyes roamed from my braided hair to my fawn pelt, his expressions acted like oil on water and I couldn’t get a hold of them.  
“What have you been up to?”, I finally tried to stoke the conversation while he suddenly busied himself with Ohrot, releasing the animal from its tack.  
I’d only hear a low rumble from his throat, incomprehensible.  
“I made food”, I tried then, doing my best at nonchalant voice.  
“Nice”, he replied, and in my nervousness I wanted to hit him with the basket. I don’t know what power kept me from doing so, but I gulped and turned, going inside. He’d follow, whether or not he wanted, that much I knew.  
As soon as the door shut behind me, I crouched on the floor into a small tense ball, covering my face with my hands and letting out a tiny, desperate noise. I’d whisper to myself “Make him talk, make him talk” couple of times, until I heard steps on the porch and swiftly got up, putting the basket on the side and turning to the soup, acting as if it had been my priority all along.

I listened, back towards Rhokgar, as he shed his pelt and washed his hands. Then I would hear silence, assuming he stood on his place. Then, then there were steps and his voice was just behind me.  
“Aren’t you feeling too warm in this while inside?” His hands had landed on my shoulders, touching the pelt very gently. I tensed under his touch and stared at the soup, face hot. The orc would clearly feel my muscles turning into a stone since his fingers quickly left my body. That made me hastily blurt out; “I- I suppose I am.”  
He seemed to hesitate but would proceed to remove the pelt from my back in the end.  
“Thank you”, I whispered weakly, not getting anything back but from the corner of my eye I’d see Rhokgar placing the pelt on the bed. He would linger between that spot and the table for a several seconds until I took bowls and poured the soup in them. He would sit down and I would serve. When I was able to sit down myself I felt as if all the words in the world had left me. I had the need to express my thoughts but no ability to form the questions.  
“It’s the rabbit?”, I would hear then, relieved of the opening the orc made. His words, however, indicated he was picking up all the steps of effort I had walked. He knew it was our last bit of rabbit meat and it was meaningful. I was slightly regretting going so overboard but at least I had at the same time shut down all my changes of escaping the situation.  
“Yes. And mushrooms I found yesterday. The season is starting...”  
Well, even if I couldn’t escape The Talk now, I was still able to hinder it.  
“Hmm. I suppose it is.”  
“How… how is it with the bandits?”, I gulped, asking.  
Rhokgar kept silent, I didn’t know what that meant.  
“They’re gone.”, the answer was, finally, with no joy in his voice. We had been at the cabin for two weeks now, the work could have easily taken a lot longer… to me, time had felt a lot longer. My feeling was intensified by the break of season that made rapid changes in the nature. This all was amazing and terrifying at the same time.  
“That’s… good, then? Isn’t it?”, I pushed the topic forward, needing more information.  
That made Rhokgar to focus his eyes on me for a moment, huffing amused as he probably realised he was supposed to be happy about the work well done. Then he straightened his demeanor and seriously explained; “They can come back. Or they won’t. Or they might, just later. Those guys are shifty by nature. But I’d say this is where my contract ends. I need to go talk to your father.”  
This was the sort of stuff I wanted to hear: Details, plans ahead… though the mention of my father made me remember where I stood, yet again.  
Suddenly a feeling of madness hit me. A stroke of bravery.   
My heart was wild in my chest as I found myself asking a long overdue question, but one that I had not intended to ask quite today. More than ever I didn't want to really know the answer, as I had found Rhokgar to be surprisingly pleasant companion compared to the images my books had painted. And my father… who would ever want to hear a bad thing about their father. The spoon in my hand lowered to the rim of my bowl and my hand shook even so slightly.  
“Whose idea it was originally?”   
I found the courage to ask.  
“Hmm?” He obviously didn't follow so I laid the question out, now more plain.  
“Me, to be your payment, who was it?.”  
Getting my question this time, Rhokgar’s face gained a darker shade to its expression. He was silent for a good few minutes, taking a sip of the food, and I started to fear he wouldn’t reply. But as the now empty spoon left his lips, carefully, clearly still considering his words, he said “On that day, if me and your father had had an argument, who would have you believed?”  
It didn't sound like a question, so very simply I stated the obvious: “Father.”  
“Yes you would have.” He replied, flatly, not really hurt because there was no reason to be, we had been strangers back then.   
I was sure he was getting to his point, but Rhokgar just stared at his soup.  
I waited a little, but finally swallowed nervously and opened my mouth to ask again. His words interrupted me.  
“Do you trust me now?”  
I realised I didn’t need to think about the answer. “Yes.”   
It made a slight whiff of relief pass me.  
Another silent moment landed, but I didn’t rush him now, I had told him, and my words were true - I trusted him.  
“It was your father's idea.”  
All of my thoughts, they came to halt.  
I looked at the one I trusted. I looked at Rhokgar.  
“That can't be…”  
My mouth gaping, I was finding more words. ‘You’re lying’, maybe. Or ‘No, he never would’.  
Rhokgar sighed and looked back at me, his eyes gaining a shade of sadness.  
“You do trust him over me.”  
“He's my father.”, I whispered, frozen.  
His expression turned angry at that, angry as his words when they left him.  
“Indeed, and he should have considered that a lot more before suggesting this deal for me.”  
I was suddenly hoping I hadn’t asked. I had been right earlier, more than ever I didn’t want to know… I didn’t have to know. Right? Ignorance is bliss? But I had gotten Rhokgar to speak, and speak he did.  
“I didn't want to accept you, this is not the way relationships of any kind should be created. And I usually work to get money.”  
I sniffed, gulping my feelings back in and looking at my shaking hands that had desperately curled around my food bowl now. Rhokgar didn’t stop to be merciful.  
“But the way he talked about you… that was not acceptable.”  
“Father has so many of us daughters…” I found myself defending my father even when I was hurt and doubting him. Rhokgar seemed to appreciate this, even if he thought my feelings were misplaced. His voice softened a bit.  
“Still, he shouldn't be like that towards any of them.” A little pause. “In the end I couldn't stand his attitude and accepted, but only if I got to take you with me right away.”  
I looked now back at him, my eyes wet.  
“He wanted you to stay there until I come back and start working. But how could have I left you there after all that talk.”  
I bit my lip, taking in all he had to say. There seemed to be a lot and it was just all pouring out. Between my broken thoughts I started to realise that Rhokgar’s actions so far had only ever been kind - though sometimes a little badly executed.  
“So all the wife-talk and such, you really didn't mean that?”   
Rhokgar seemed taken aback at the shift of topic.  
“I… didn't think you would ever want to stay but I wanted to get you from returning to your old life. You could just move away after a while. See some world with your own two feet?”  
“What do you know of my wants and needs…” murmuring, my mind was racing through memories.  
“And why did you need to act like that if you were going to let me go? Wife this, carrying over threshold that, bedroom undres--” hastily I shut my mouth as my mind chaotically took me to the first day and I felt embarrassed and suddenly greatly stupid. I grimaced.  
He turned quiet for a few seconds, but was clearly on the same page than me when he managed to find words to reply with.  
“I didn't really expect you to just… strip.” Suddenly he sounded embarrassed too.  
There was only one thing I could answer with:  
“What..?”  
“You seemed like the type to stubbornly sleep in your daywear… whatever I say.”  
I was dumbfounded.  
Partially because it was true, but even I yielded when afraid, wasn’t it common sense.  
“...and either suffocate me with pillow or run away at night.” He continued and the image in my head turned weirder every second.  
“Suffocate you… with a pillow.”  
Rhokgar stared at me awkwardly. And I, I felt everything at the same time; sadness and betrayal towards my father, thankfulness, frustration and embarrassment because of Rhokgar. I couldn’t keep my voice even when I answered him, the tears were forcing their way out.  
“Are you insane, have you ever looked at mirror, how could I have done either of those? How about you should have just, Idon’tknow, told me to stop back then?”  
I hated myself for crumbling in front of him and wiped my face to my sleeve, steeling my outer appearance. Then I heard him reply.  
“You were rather fast.”  
My head whipped around and I looked at him, what?!  
“I mean, maybe you liked the attention, being so swift at it?”  
I was about to retort something ugly to that when I saw a tiny smirk on the corner of his mouth. He was joking? In the middle of a conversation like this? I looked around, quickly searching and even quicker finding - reaching to the pillow on the bed, I threw it at his face with all the force my bottled up emotions allowed.  
“You asked for it.”, I huffed, while I heard his shy laugher. He picked up the pillow that had ended up on the floor, and calmly put it back to my hands. Maybe he wanted more? But Rhokgar moved from his chair, crouching in front of the fireplace to start the fire on the dead, cool embers again. He looked harmless there, down on the floor, and I passed the idea.

“I’m sorry.”  
I suddenly heard it. I focused my gaze on him, really listening.  
“I’m sorry for that. And for your father.”  
I exhaled, trying to figure out a reply to words that soothed my heart. I weighed down the things I knew, yet again. Things like a memory of my father putting me to sort my belongings. A memory of my father asking me to look after my siblings often on the last week. A memory of this orc, doing what he did on the first day we met and he took me with him...  
“It’s… okay. You at least tried to help me… he tried to help himself.”  
Rhokgar looked at me softly but didn’t say anything more, and for that, I was grateful. He had cheered me up for a moment, but I needed silence. I needed to think, to really think and consider what I needed to do next.  
One thing was sure. I needed to hear this same story from my father.

Fire was cracking slowly and comforting. I couldn’t tell the passage of time and the food had become cold on the table, but I became aware of my surroundings yet again when I heard a low, calm voice ask “Are you okay?”  
I blinked and focused my eyes on the orc but not quite being out of my own thoughts. He had sat on the edge of the bed, leaning his elbows to his knees, closer to me like this than he would have been on his own seat on the table. There were no barriers between us, I had forgiven him… and I found myself wishing I could move to his lap, curling there. Resting. Tiredness has taken me, this had not been the course I had planned for the evening.  
“I need to talk to my father.” it was the first thing coming out of my mouth.  
“Obviously.”  
The second one pressed the back of my skull.  
“Then… Will I leave your house?”  
Rhokgar looked at me till the question sank him fully. He shifted and his gaze fell, avoiding me like I hurt him in turn.  
“You do what you want.”, was the reply, quick and blank. Not unfriendly, but distant, giving me space - space I hadn’t asked for. I had my answer, I realised, it was clear in my thoughts, but I found myself being afraid.  
There was ice, just a thin sheet, and it would crumble in my touch. For better or worse, I didn’t know, and that exactly was the object of my fears. The heart in my chest was a wild, wicked creature as it raced in its place. My hand reached towards the orc that looked weirdly small when crouched in front of me now. The tips of my fingers would land on his forearm, feeling his rough green skin and layer of hair. My eyes followed the course of my fingers for a time, looking as the digits weaved their way along the tattooed part of Rhokgar’s arm… When I rose my gaze, I met his… I could swear the dark amber hue of his eyes was now burning.  
“I’d like to stay.” I was only barely able to breath out.  
But it was enough, I saw it from the orc’s eyes.  
“If you’d have me.”, I added, more confident due to the expressions in Rhokgar’s face. He looked confused, and amazed, and terrified… but there was no signs of displeasure or revulsion. Soon I felt his other hand, curling around my own. His mouth opened but nothing came out. Cute.  
I found myself getting up and there was newfound bravery when I closed the distance between us, settling myself on his lap and burying my face against his chest. I could hear his heartbeat, it was fast like my own. Rhokgar’s hands had retracted to hover mid-air on both sides of myself and I knew, embarrassed, I wanted their warmness around me. I pushed myself away from him, but only so much that I could look him into the eyes. The words he had tried to find were finally on his tongue.  
“Please stay.”  
The burn in his eyes had turned into a wildfire, and it guided his hand to my cheeks, gently lowering my face towards his to initiate a kiss. At first it was light like a brush from a butterfly’s wings. Rhokgar’s hands moved from my cheeks to my throat and I shuddered at the idea that he could crush me at any moment if he wanted, but instead he chose to proceed like I was made of glass, precious, delicate. My own arms curled around his shoulders and the back of his neck, giving him space to continue the roam of his hands. They settled on my hips and Rhokgar pulled me forward, wanting to deepen the kiss hungrily. This time I could feel his tusks scraping my skin and I knew at that instant they would be my weakness from this day on to the rest of my living days. A growl rose deep from his chest and I answered it with a weak whine. We barely had time to gasp some air, our mouths busy on each other, but finally it became too much and reluctantly we slowed down, both of us panting. Rhokgar pressed his forehead to mine and I registered that his hands had strayed from my hips to my back, shifting the topmost of my garments, and were now resting on my bottom.  
Suddenly I realised I could feel a deeper level of his excitement and shifted nervously. Rhokgar picked up my gesture mercifully fast and cooled the movement of his hands, shifting them back to my hips. Effortlessly he moved me from his lap and laid me on the bed, settling beside me, leaving a small space between us. His hand rose and moved a hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. A familiar motion he had done on our first night was now in my memories in a new context. I studied his face, and the fire was still in his eyes, making my own body feel feverish.  
“Not tonight.”, he stated simply, and I didn’t know if its purpose was to bind himself or to comfort me. Nonetheless, I swallowed and nodded. It was probably for the best, but it made me wonder if he had needed to restrain himself often… and the thought of that made me just want to encourage him right here and now.  
In the silence of the cabin, two noises defined the atmosphere: Our tired breaths and the cracking of the fire. We stared at each other and I thought it would take a long, long time before I could get tired of his face.  
“Why?”  
“Hmm?”, I blinked, hazy, realising the orc had asked something.  
“Why do you want to stay?”  
This was either rhetoric or he wanted an essay, I thought, but the first one didn’t require a comeback and I was not capable of forming the latter one, so I stayed quiet, only humming softly. In an uncomfortable motion I reached behind me, searching with my hand until landing on a silky soft fur. I grabbed it and pulled it with me, curling under the spotted pelt and giving Rhokgar a glance from behind.  
He huffed affectionately, pulling me closer again and resting his heavy arm around my torso. I felt safe and warm.   
This day, surely, had not gone in a way I had imagined.  
The night was darkening outside as we laid, tangled onto each other. As I started to drift into sleep I could feel a kiss on my forehead and tender words that I wanted to hear again when conscious.


End file.
